The Sickness

I was sitting in the kitchen, i was alone looking at the needle that had only 10cc or less of a washout, it had more in it but i lost it yesterday, probably while i was moving up and down the roads. Having a hit ready for the next morning is something nice, it's not easy to leave something for the next morning. But remembering that you have a small hit, but just ok hidden in the usual place now and finding you have just a few drops left cause yesterday i was lazy, it freaks you out and you get that craving that won't pass until the next good hit.
I found it very hard to leave home and go for methadone. while walking i talk to myself and argue angrily that i have to give money to lots of shops i have to pass by, and i feel so worse , i say to myself " not taking just 1 hit " will allow me to get out of my road so much better, not so paranoid, with head down.
yeah, don't worry i will give them the cash, ah i have to do it damn it, nah I'm such a jerk man i don't ever keep the promise.
And still, Here i am stealing, stole, and trying to steal more, feeding this hell and buy them the cream for their dry skin, instead of doin the opposite positive that i should instead do.
When will that noel decide to get me to that therapeutic rehab that is supposed to help me change my life, Yes i wish, cause this is not life anymore now.